Friday, 18 October 2013

Expectations and letdowns

As a people-pleaser, we all have moments when we feel down or upset because the actions of others, whether it's a friend, family or a loved one. The reason why these people affect us is because we have certain expectations of them, and we feel betrayed and hurt as soon as these expectations aren't met. Maybe they made plans with someone else whilst knowing that the two of you had that same thing planned for a long time or they've kept something important from you, or they shared something about you with others etc. If you had no expectations set for them whatsoever, then you would not feel the way you do now, and thus you would continue your life happier. 

Now do we set too high expectations for those close to us? No. I don't think these expectations are 'too' high. I think what we expect of others should be of a mutual consent. I'm not saying that when you meet someone you have to sit down and go through some sort of contract like Sheldon from the Big Bang Theory, but make sure when you plan or tell them something that you want to do together or that this story you're telling them is private and meant to stay between the two of you. Now you can expect them to do so, and if this doesn't happen you are fully in your right to be disappointed and/or hurt.

If we live our life the way we want to, and set expectations for ourselves instead of in others, then there might be a chance that we live our life and not a 'shared' life. If you want to go somewhere - go! If you want to share something - do so! But only if you are happy doing so. However don't go too far with this and become a selfish person. This is more a note to live by for the people-pleasers amongst us, such as myself. I do believe that you should compromise in whatever relationship you're in; you have to be there for the person as much as that person is willing to be there for you. No, you don't know this beforehand when getting to know the person. But there will be situations where the person's character becomes clear and listen to your gut feeling as well. I tend to ignore my gut feeling because I think I'm overreacting or paranoid or whatever, sadly my gut was always right. We live - we learn! So cherish the good moments :) 

<3

No comments:

Post a Comment